She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
