I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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