The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
