So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
