On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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