guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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