Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
