You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize