i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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