I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
