I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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