Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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