is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize