No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
