I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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