dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
