Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
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WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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