Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
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I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
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Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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