i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
