my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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