I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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