All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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