drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
