so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he shaved USA in his pubs
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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