So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We left the knife in your bed.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.