I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.