What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob