I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
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No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
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I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.