i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.