Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
