yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
