Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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