Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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