hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
