Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
