guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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