once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
