I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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