No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
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There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
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I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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