Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All the doctor said was why
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
