i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
