Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
