Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
