just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
