How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
