Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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