Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
