They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
