Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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