pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
