Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
