Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
