walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
