apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
