Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
