saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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