She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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