i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
