My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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