Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
