so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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