when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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