I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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