we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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