well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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