drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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