hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
