Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
