A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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