So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
