3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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