she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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